Managing External Reactions

External reactions and LGBTQ+ people

• Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer (LGBTQ+) people may experience a range of different reactions from other people.
• Some of these reactions are good and positive, and some might be bad or negative.
• Because LGBTQ+ people are in the minority (which means there are less LGBTQ+ people than straight or cisgender people), people may feel like they can pass comment on LGBTQ+ identities and communities.
• The reactions of other people can have an influence on our own mental health and wellbeing. For example, if someone else reacts badly to us ‘coming out’ to them, this can make us feel bad about ourselves.

Tips to manage external reactions

Knowing what I can and can’t control

An important thing to think about is whether the reactions of other people are within your control, or not. For example, if someone has said something to you and they are your friend, there might be a way to speak to them and let them knowhow you feel.

if it’s within your control, you could speak to them, send them a message, ask someone else to speak to them for you, or if it’s not within your control, you could ignore them, block them (if on social media), report them to teachers/a safe adult or speak to someone about how it made you feel (like Belong To).

Dropping the rope

• When people say hurtful things to us, or do nasty things around us, it can make us feel sad, angry, anxious and upset.
• Sometimes these feelings don’t have anywhere to go, because we can’t easily change what other people say or do.
• Sometimes we can get into a ‘tug of war’ – we keep going over the things they did or said in our head, and nothing might change.
• One way to manage this ‘tug of war’ is to drop the rope. That is, imagine ourselves letting go of the fact that we can’t always change what other people think or do. Often, the best thing for us to do is protect our own wellbeing by dropping the rope.

Here are some things we can tell ourselves to try this:

Both things can be true

Being LGBTQ+ can often bring joy, though can also sometimes be tough. There are times we will feel happy and proud, and other times we will feel anxious and upset.

Just because we feel proud some days, and anxious on some other days, does not mean one is more true or ‘valid’ than the other. Both things can be true at the same time!

Try writing your own ideas below – try use the word ‘and’ as much as you can, to remind ourselves that both things can be true!

This information is not collected, saved or stored – this is simply a place for you to jot down your thoughts.